Tim Shipman: the inside story of where it all went wrong for Starmer. After the worst week of Keir Starmer’s leadership, Tim Shipman relates, the first answer from ‘those at the top of government’ when asked ‘where it all went wrong’ is: ‘In opposition.’ Starmer had made no plan: ‘We spent more time working out whether chicks could have dicks than on a programme for government,’ says one senior figure. Tony Blair refused to call Starmer to tell him that Sue Gray’s appointment as chief of staff was a disaster. The Prime Minister is ‘more obsessed about the dress code’ in meetings than the content: according to one senior figure, you’d get ‘a note the night before a meeting telling everyone to make sure they were wearing smart casual’. Chris Wormald was appointed as Cabinet Secretary simply because he ‘told Starmer he was a Labour supporter’; the PM ‘wobbled’ over the Chagos deal when focus groups hated it. McSweeney almost went in October, but was saved because the government was distracted by the Chinese spy case. The King didn’t want Donald Trump’s state visit after he threatened Canada. Labour strategists ‘don’t think Starmer’ can beat Reform; the party has ‘nothing to fear but Keir himself’.

Nicky Haslam: my dinner with Peter Mandelson and Saif Gaddafi. Back in the 1980s, Nicky Haslam remembers, he was decorating a penthouse apartment in London for a tycoon who collected American art. A neighbour, the late Said Gaddafi, admired the result so much he asked for an exact replica; Haslam and his team spent a weekend knocking up fake Rothkos, Lichtensteins and Warhols. Two decades later, Haslam was a guest at a villa in Corfu along with Peter Mandelson. Saif appeared, and Mandelson and the ‘Libyan war-prince’ went off for secret talks, returning after an hour ‘smiling enigmatically’. On the flight back to London, Mandelson opened ‘his red ministerial box’, looked up ‘dreamily’ and told Haslam: ‘My God I fancy Saif Gaddafi.’ Judging by the photographs of Mandelson ‘in his skimpy Speedophiles’, Haslam doesn’t believe he’s ‘been at the hyaluronic acid’, a substance used by ski jumpers at the Winter Olympics ‘to enhance their front botties’ and thereby gain ‘an aerodynamic advantage’ – it might ‘have made Mandelson’s downfall even faster’.

Mary Wakefield: why are adults buying so many children’s toys? With more and more adults ‘buying products designed for children’, Mary Wakefield visited the toy department of Selfridges to investigate the ‘great age-regression’. The rise of the ‘kidult’ is, she says, very real. This isn’t ‘the same phenomenon as the eternal teenager’, defined ‘by their appetite for sex and risk’ – today’s young adults are regressing right back into childhood. Almost half of all visitors to Disney World are now grown-ups with no children, and toy sales to adults ‘rose dramatically in lockdown’, from Lego to Jellycat soft toys. Kidults ‘seem sad’ – not ‘frolicking or revisiting a carefree childhood they didn’t have’ but instead ‘alleviating chronic anxiety’. At Selfridges, Wakefield witnesses ‘the latest Jellycat wheeze’, where customers are served ‘fake furry food in a make-believe shop setting’. She sees a woman who’s thrilled to spend £50 on ‘cosy chips’.

James Heale: how Kemi’s turning the tide. ‘In the drama of Mandelson’s disgrace,’ James Heale says, ‘the Conservative party played its part well.’ Kemi Badenoch consistently bested Keir Starmer at PMQs and used the device of the humble address to coach the Labour backbenches into attacking the PM. It was a success ‘a long time in the making’, with planning beginning in September when the peer was sacked. It was Starmer who discovered humble addresses (an ‘ingenious device’) during the Brexit years, but now they are ‘being used against him’, one MP notes. Parliament offers the best route for the Tories to make some noise. Badenoch’s team is ‘stuffed full of veterans’ who ‘know where the bodies are buried’, as one former minister puts it. ‘There are more opportunities for Tory mischief’ in the coming weeks; Badenoch has ‘sought to unite the party’s factions’. Hopefully Badenoch’s good work in parliament is beginning to be rewarded: the more people see of her, the more they like her, says one ally. But Reform claims to have at least three Tory MPs on the verge of defecting.

Lara Brown: the Saïd Business School is a scam. How do you get into the University of Oxford, asks Lara Brown. The best ruse is the Saïd Business School. By undertaking an MBA there, you can become a ‘fully fledged Oxford University student’ – you’ll even be attached to a college. But the whole thing appears to be a sham. The ‘main eligibility criteria’ seems to be having £88,000. Of the 2025/26 MBA cohort, an astonishing 96 per cent were international students, from more than 60 countries. The English language requirement can be waived, meaning ‘there are some complaints that students… can barely speak the language in which they are taught’ and are ‘reliant on AI’. It’s ‘not a particularly impressive class’, according to one student – effectively a year-long holiday. Register for some of its programmes ‘as a high-school drop-out’ and you can be signed up straight away. But ‘Oxford is not naïve’, Brown believes: it knows ‘exactly what it’s selling to bright-eyed would-be consultants’.